The Bug, The Blade and Black Jack

There is a new stowaway on board,and I am glad to say that my entry was much less exciting than Wonder Bread's, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

It all started the other night after Captn Fraingck, Margo, and our visitor Leo had gone to bed, Kennan was in the forepeak working on some sort of electronic doohicky with lights and alarms, while Logan and I were reading a book on how to survive in the wilderness (thanks Marc). As I remember, we were debating whether or not the advice about black bears was really meant to be read by rats.

"I'm not sure the author had rats in mind, scurvy," Logan said.

"What do you mean?" I asked,"It's not like we can't read, and it says right here:'If you encounter a black bear DO NOT run, fight back."

"Yes, but you're so small,"Logan replied.

"WHAT! ME? SMALL?!"I challenged rising to my full awesome height.

Luckily, Kennan saved Logan's "size-ist" butt. "Hey guys, there's a roach in here," Kennan called trying to sound casual.

All thoughts of rat versus bear combat evaporated. We've had very few cockroaches onboard, and those we have had do not live long after their discovery. Logan, armed with a pencil, went into the forepeak with me close behind. Kennan was pointing to a knot in the wood of the wall across from him. Then I noticed that the knot was waving it's antennae. "Wow he's uh...big," Logan said with his usual amount of elokwence.

"Oh, I see, first you say that I'm small, then you say that he's big!"

"Here, this should work better than that pencil,"Kennan said, handing Logan a dive knife. Logan (with the 20 foot long alien roach from "Men in Black" fresh in his mind) took the knife.

In my younger years, I had to scrape my living out of a sewer (remind me to tell you guys about that later), so I, unlike you humans, knew that roaches aren't half bad (I wasn't exactly confident in Logan's knifework either). Just as Logan was about to dissect the poor periplaneta, I jumped between the blade and the bug and cried out,"STOP!" All of them froze and looked at me,"You can't kill him...And put that knife away Logan, you're scaring me."

Logan and Kennan looked at each other and  shrugged. Putting down his knife, Logan asked,"Why shouldn't we? They're just scurying scum-suckers without a brain cell to spare."

The roach angrily waved its antennae in (well deserved) indignation."Because it's not right," I replied pie-ously.

"Great, first a cockroach, now a rat with a conscience, not to mention how the others will react." Kennan grumbled.

"I'll keep him hidden fro-Hey! You have a problem with a rat with a conscience?!" I said.

Logan sighed,"OK, the roach stays, but not in my bed."

So I took the roach to my secret stash in the bilge. I sat on a can of sardines while the bug ate some crumbs in the corner. "I don't think I got your name in all that excitement," I said trying to make conversation.

"Wonder Bread," the roach said after a moment.

"Oh, I see. What's your favorite food?" I asked in an attempt to learn more about my new roommate.

"Wonder Bread," announced Wonder Bread.

This was confusing, until I remembered a piece of sewer trivia: Roaches are named after their favorite foods (this leads to frequent name changing among the more adventurous eaters).

"So..."I said just as I noticed a deck of cards (thanks again Marc), "Do you know any card games?"

Wonder Bread twiddled his antennae excitedly, "Garbage!" he said.

Thus began the first of many card games with the new stowaway. Not just Garbage but Poker, Black Jack, Gin Rummy, Crazy Eights, Texas Hold'em, you name it. But we're running out of new games so if you know any please tell me.

Scurvy Deckpaw

Abandon Ship!

My deadline is up - literally. I recently discovered to my dread that I do not have the materials to build a rat dog trap. So I went to plan A2, since plan A failed and I almost never have a plan B. Plan A2: ABANDON SHIP. Some might argue that this should be called plan Z, but it's my permanent default plan A, so A it is. Once I had made up my mind to temporarily abandon ship, (...what...you think I was going to leave the steel fortress that brings me to coconut covered islands?!?), I waited for what looked like shore-leave preparations, grabbed my plan A bag and stowed my self away in the captain's backpack, despite captain fraingck's old rule that I had to carry my own fat tail.

I waited till I had a chance to jump out when wham wham wham wham, four car doors slammed. My plan had backfired, we were driving to the airport in a rental car! Worst of it being (after some exploration) this car was brand new. The only rat holes were on the outside, and would have taken hours to open up. By the time I looked up again, we seemed to have driven to some place in Oregon, the only thing among the pines to show we were in the tropics was the red dirt and some fern trees. We started to descend a scary winding road, and the landscape got drier and drier. I guessed that this side of the island didn't get much rain. Soon we arrived at the airport which was above a small cliff that dropped into the sea - the flattest place on the island. I had to get to the other side or starve! I saw no coconuts anywhere near the airport. So I started widening one of the possible rat holes and ratdog proofing it, with a vague backup plan of climbing a tree if chased off before finishing.

Luckily, the plane was delayed two hours and I had time to finish my hiding place and make a view hole into the parking lot. Finally, the plane landed and Leo walked into sight without the ratdog! My brain started shorting out, then I remembered that customs didn't let animals in without a forty day quarantine (stowaways excluded). Once she came close I heard her say, "Where's Scurvy, I've been looking forward to meeting him." I, being flattered and relieved, timidly showed myself and was bombarded with questions about my adventures.

Scurvy deckpaw